The Great Hood Sage Lil’ Jon once famously said: “Don’t start no shit, won’t be no shit.”

​I learned this growing up in the projects, but if you don’t speak hood, I’ll translate:

If you don’t provoke people or cause problems, your interactions with them will be free of provocation and problems.

The idea seems simple enough, but rarely does it ever go as planned, because some ornery humans will always—in their pursuit of more—end up in conflict with those whom they think are victims to take from or belittle in an effort to make themselves feel better.

But let’s say you’re not one of those ornery humans.

You’re actually a sensible person, so you abide by this simple rule for easy living. You mind your business and try to do your time on this planet as peacefully as possible.

It’s a noble goal to pursue—and I believe most people try to live this way— but they go about it all wrong.

In an effort to avoid the discomfort of a confrontation, they're either too nice, too accommodating, or too agreeable, and people walk all over them…

​Or they go the other way, and try to scare anyone into ever trying them by acting too hard, too stoic, and by never being kind to others because they’ve seen—time and time again—kindness treated as weakness

Both approaches make life miserable, albeit for entirely different reasons. So we need a third path.

One that lets you retain a bit of humanity while also sending the message to people that you are not the one.

For that, we draw inspiration from two completely different fields: international relations and game theory.

Looking at former president Theodore Roosevelt’s Big Stick Policy and one remarkably successful strategy for playing the most famous game in game theory, the Prisoner’s Dilemma, we learn something valuable:

If you want to live a life where people don’t try you, it helps to gain a reputation as a nice guy who will mess someone up if they get out of pocket.

It's the same strategy that explains why some relationships work and others collapse.

It's the same thing I learned growing up in the hood, and it’s an approach to dealing with people that I carry into my dealings with people every day.

• ​Read the whole essay on my site​
• ​Read the whole essay on X​
• ​Read the whole essay on Substack​
• ​Watch the video on YouTube​

Today's Sponsor: Prism Potion

I love coffee, but I also know that drinking too much of it—especially late in the day—can do a number on my heart. Plus, coffee—especially the way I drink it, which is so black it was brewed with water from a separate-but-equal faucet—is just hot water and coffee beans.

It’s a taste I’ve learned to love, but sometimes I would like something different, and it has to serve a purpose. I drink coffee for the taste, but I also like the benefits of caffeine.

I use my coffee not only to think clearly but also to perform physically, since I do my workouts between 5 and 6 am before my kid wakes up. I thought a simple cup of coffee was great, but then I discovered Prism Potion.

Each serving of Prism Potion contains 80 milligrams of caffeine—enough to support alertness, concentration, and reaction time without the massive stimulant dose found in some coffees and pre-workouts.

It also contains two grams of PeakO2, a six-mushroom blend studied for its potential effects on oxygen utilization, power output, and resistance to fatigue. That includes cordyceps for physical performance, lion’s mane for cognitive support, rhodiola and ashwagandha to keep cortisol levels optimal, and MCT powder for even more energy and clarity.

So whether I’m sitting down to write or getting ready to train, Prism Potion gives me one drink designed to support both my brain and my body.

Prism is instant coffee, meaning you boil the water and add the mix. I’ve tried those before, and the coffee I had in the army was better.

But I genuinely enjoy the taste of Prism Potion. If you’ve ever put MCT oil in your coffee, it’s a little like that.

I’ve gone through 6 bags of this stuff since I found it, so I was super excited when—after I reached out to them—they agreed to sponsor an essay. Shit, I’m drinking some right now while editing this essay.

So if you like coffee and want something that tastes great and enhances your performance, pick up a bag today!​

Hard Lesson Of The Week

I've watched a few people I grew up with make a complete mess of their life. We're talking baby mamas, jail time, and still living with their mother—in the projects—in their 30s and 40s.

I've watched even more not make a mess of their life, but also do nothing great with it. I'd never call these people a waste of space, but they are—from a monetizable skill set and emotional growth standpoint—unremarkable and interchangeable with anyone who's graduated from high school.

Here are the traits I've noticed they have. Some have them all. Some have a few. All have at least 3. That seems to be the magic number of no return.

1. You think you're going to be the exception. Sometimes you need this attitude when pursuing challenging endeavors or making asymmetrical bets. When applied to tasks where your actions increase your "surface area of luck", this is a great trait to have.
   ​
   However, if you use it to constantly justify reckless behavior, you're going to learn about the Law of Large Numbers without ever taking a statistics class.
   ​
   Here is the colloquial version: If you keep fucking around, eventually you'll find out. Because what should happen will eventually happen if you keep fucking around.
2. You can't take advice. Almost everyone gets annoyed by unsolicited advice. I understand that. However, if you find yourself in a position where multiple people are giving you unsolicited advice about the same things, you probably need to hear it.
   ​
   But let's be real here. One reason this is likely to lead to a long, hard life is that people are too nice to tell you when you're ruining your life.
   ​
   And anyone who is real with you probably made you react in a way that made you never cast your pearls before swine again.
3. You can't admit when you've made a mistake. Let's look at why this is guaranteed to ruin your life on two levels.
   ​
   The first is in your personal relationships. It's amazing how much grace someone will give you for making a mistake, as long as you own it without any excuse or pretense. In the same vein, people will put you on a very short leash if you never take accountability.
   ​
   The second way this ruins your life is that you start to believe your own bullshit. You really begin to believe that you never make mistakes and you're always right.
   ​
   Not only will that cause you to behave recklessly and walk into bad situations that are easily avoidable, but you'll become insufferable. This will only further degrade your personal relationships.
4. You lack self-awareness. I can tell you that what you're doing is stupid until I'm blue in the face, and you're blue in the ears from listening—you won't listen anyway, because of the last point.
   ​
   But if you don't know that you're doing something stupid until you suffer the consequences, you're going to continually do stupid things—and repeatedly doing things tends to make your life hard.
   ​
   The way this trait typically manifests is not being aware of how others react to their behavior, because this person who lacks self-awareness also typically lacks emotional control and empathy. These are also the people who don't have any shame.
   ​
   Whatever your opinions about following social norms are, they are irrelevant. Just understand that there is a huge difference between knowing a rule and breaking it and not realizing there is a rule in the first place.
   ​
   As I say in my book, "Ignorance of the law doesn't protect you from the consequences of breaking it." Although I was talking about the time I avoided an arrest for selling fake cocaine, the idea applies to all rules, expectations, customs, and norms.
5. You're lazy. I saved this one for last because it's the longest.
   ​
   Humans prefer to do things the easy way. This is fine some of the time, but eventually, you gotta do more than the minimum.
   ​
   Someone like this is gonna hurt for a long time because life doesn't get easier unless you get better.
   ​
   Laziness takes two forms, and both of them make life hard.
   ​
   First, you do just enough to not be uncomfortable. All organisms seek to achieve the most energy-efficient configuration. This person will hold a job and stay out of trouble with the law, but their life will remain an everlasting plateau. Never becoming exceptional—or even above-average—at anything, but never becoming a parasite or burden.
   ​
   The second way is far more familiar. This is the person who can't even be bothered to put in enough effort to maintain minimal comfort. They're not even particularly adept at keeping themselves alive, relying on relatives and government programs—but if those aren't around, homeless shelters and general homelessness.

You're ok if you have one of these traits. The fact that you don't have the other 4 is enough compensation.

If you have 2 of the 5, you're potentially in trouble. All it takes is bad timing to ruin your life.

If you have 3+ of the 5, you are an active liability to yourself. This is the realm of self-sabotage. It's probably the realm of a two-digit IQ as well, but that's just speculation based on what is known of the positive correlation between IQ and success and the negative correlation between IQ and adverse life conditions.

If you enjoyed this, grab a copy of my book Hard Lessons From The Hurt Business: Boxing and the Art of Life.