Welcome to this issue of the Stoic Street Smarts Chronicle. This issue elaborates on an idea I've tweeted about a few times in the past—the older you get, the tougher the world is on you for not having your life together.
I use the analogy of inflation to make the idea clear.
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When you’re a teenager, no one expects much out of you. Sure, there are outliers of extreme ability and achievement, but no one looks to a teenager to have their life figured out. Although they are autonomous, they’re still the responsibility of their parents.
By your late 20s, you’re expected to have met specific measures of life proficiency. For example, you’re not dependent on your parents.
By this age, everyone at least expects that you can hold down a job and pay for your existence in this world. You may still be overcoming the mistakes of your youth or the effects of a shoddy upbringing, but the only consistent societal marker of growth here is that you can pay your bills and you aren’t a criminal.
By your late 30s, you’re expected to be an adult. This age is where a division happens.
On the one side are people who are at least keeping pace with the average income level, health, and relationships. The other side is populated by those who did not do the hard things to increase their earning capacity or viability for a relationship or let their fitness deteriorate.
The greatest non-innate difference between teenagers and adults is their responsibility levels.
Even at age 19, when you’re technically an adult, you can’t take on much responsibility. Unless you have children or you’re caring for dying parents, you have virtually no responsibility. But your life doesn’t have the trappings of many rewards either.
If you’re 35 and haven’t taken on any responsibilities that have forced you to grow and mature, you’ll still have the value of a 19-year-old, but you’ll be measured against others in your age range.
For example, while it’s nice if a guy has his own place, most 19-year-old girls won’t care if another 19-year-old boy still lives with his parents, works a low-wage job, and spends his free time drinking and playing video games. Most boys her age will have a similar level of value, so it’s more like hitting the jackpot if she lands a top athlete or a trust fund kid than it feels like settling if she doesn’t—especially if the guy is attractive.
The same goes for friendships as well. At 19, everyone’s idea of a good time is drinking a case of beer, ordering pizza, playing video games, and partying in someone’s basement with cheap beer. However, if your idea of a good time at 30 still regularly involves getting drunk and playing video games all day, you have nothing more valuable to devote your time to.
Any friends you have will be equally of low value. That lifestyle is passable at 19, but at 30, now anyone you date will feel like they’re settling. Even if they’re just as low-value and immature, losers don’t like spending time with other losers. Those are just the only people who will spend time with them.
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