Before we get into today's newsletter, here are some announcements and updates.

• We're not one week out from my return to the ring after 8 years off. July 12th, I fight here in my city at the Highmark Stadium. I feel fortunate that I'm able to fight on this card in the heart of the city. The card is not broadcast or streamed.
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  I know my email list spans the entire world, but I also know there are some people in the Pittsburgh area where I live. If you want to come down and enjoy a great night of boxing, you can grab tickets here. ​
• Speaking of my fight, I'm extremely grateful for my sponsors Rebel Health Alliance and Mita Nutrition. I used both of their products extensively to help prepare for my comeback. Mita Nutrition supplied the supplements and Rebel Health Alliance helped me to optimize my body in way that has my bloodwork looking like I'm in my 20s.
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  I wrote an in-depth article about my experience with Rebel Health Alliance, which you can read here. I also reviewed Mita Nutra's flagship product here. Check them out, and if they're a good fit, I highly recommend using them.
• Thank you to everyone who has pre-ordered 'Hard Lessons From The Hurt Business: Boxing And The Art of Life' so far. Pre-orders make all the difference in the world and help me generate more buzz for the book and even get on one of those best-seller lists.
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  If you haven't pre-ordered yet, the special pre-order bonus offer lasts until Aug 5th (release date!). If you pre-order, make sure you send me a copy of your receipt to get signed up to receive your bonuses. I've made it super easy for you to order and send your receipt right here. ​

It's not just where you live, but how you live there

I'm working on a keynote speech I'm delivering in October, centered on the themes of my new book Hard Lessons From The Hurt Business, and I realized that life has a wicked sense of humor.

Two of the biggest determinants of your success in life are completely beyond your control: your family and your ZIP code.

I'm not saying that the only reason you're successful is that you got lucky. I'm also not saying that the only reason you're in prison is because you got a bad draw.

Our choices are the ultimate drivers of the outcomes in our lives—I will die on that hill. However, I will also die on the hill that says the environment we were raised in, and how we were raised in it, also plays a significant role in how we decide to live and whether we’ll be successful.

But first, let’s define a “successful life.” Everyone’s idea of success is a little different, but I think the most universally applicable, objectively measurable definition includes the following:

• Makes enough money not to be a burden or parasite to others
• Does not engage in criminal activity
• Lives a life of integrity—meaning they don’t lie and do keep their word

We could debate the social and spiritual aspects of success, but those are harder to measure and not universally agreed upon. I've found that many subjective measures of success are downstream from these objective markers.

If you make enough money to avoid relying on charity or government assistance, money won’t be a source of anxiety—even if you're not a high earner.

It’s easy to avoid jail if you don’t engage in criminal activity. You're also less likely to create enemies or attract trouble.

If you keep your word and don’t lie, people will trust you and likely want to be your friend.

I know that’s oversimplified, but it’s precise enough to be useful. It gives us a clear idea of what to focus on to live a good life—and what to be grateful for.

It turns out that whether you grow up poor, middle class, or rich doesn’t matter much when it comes to leading a successful life. When it comes to raising children who become successful adults, money doesn’t matter—at least not in the way most people think.

Let’s call a “good neighborhood” one where violence of any type—whether between kids at school, adults in the community, or through crime—is rare or non-existent. Once you have enough money to live in a good neighborhood, your kids are no more likely to succeed than anyone else’s. But if you can’t afford to live there, it’s trouble.

And once you’re in a safe neighborhood with a strong ZIP code, the friends and family you grow up with play a huge role. People say you get to choose your friends, but that’s only partly true. You only get to choose from the people available to you—within your school district and ZIP code.

You don’t get to choose if your parents are abusive or addicted. That’s a terrible draw—but it’s out of your control.

We have plenty of data showing the increased likelihood of adverse outcomes—like prison, addiction, or unplanned pregnancy—if you grow up in an abusive environment. But growing up poor isn’t necessarily the problem. It just so happens that poverty and broken families often go hand in hand—but not always.

Rural poverty produces vastly different outcomes than urban poverty, largely because rural families are more likely to be two-parent households. Also, rural poverty tends to be more intimate—there are fewer people, and it’s easier to build trust in those environments.

That idea is one of the central themes of my talk.

Taking advantage of this as an adult

Let’s get the obvious and overused advice out of the way: love your children and do everything you can to stay together. Assuming neither partner is abusive, addicted, or unfaithful, the data is clear—kids do better when both parents are present. Stay together, and use the challenges in your relationship as opportunities to improve the parts of your personality that cause friction.

Even if someone is difficult to be with, you still have choices. You chose to be with them in a way that led to having children. But I get it—things happen, and we can’t undo the past.

The biggest takeaway I got from the study I linked above—along with other research—is this: the most important thing you can do is build relationships with people who have the traits you want more of in your life. And that starts with you developing those traits.

They say you’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with. People often take that to mean: find folks who are richer, fitter, or smarter—and you’ll become like them.

In theory, that works. But if you’re too much of an outlier, they won’t want you around. You’ll drag the group average down so far that they’ll drift closer to your level than you will to theirs. They won't let this happen because they understand, fundamentally but perhaps not consciously, that everything they touch touches them.

So work on yourself. Cultivate the qualities you want in the people around you. A lot of folks want it to work the other way—they want interesting, successful, trustworthy friends while being as dull and inconsistent as dried paint.

I knew a girl who used to complain about all the drama and antisocial behavior in her friend group—but she couldn’t make the connection that she was part of the average.

By not changing her behavior, she reinforced the very dynamic she claimed to hate and continued to hate her options for a social life.